What's that, Furcadia?

Por favor; your attention please. This is a public service announcement aimed at those vile, disrespecting citizens who ran The Muskrat.

Filthy lies! That’s what I’m here to spread about them, so for those of you who aren’t them, please enjoy the following mockery of an interview and watch as I twist and rip their words to shreds in a way that only Barbara Walters could find joy in.

For those citizens of Furcadia involved with The Muskrat… tough luck?

Lets begin.

Act 1; Scene 1:

Enter El Borracho, (EB) and his Compatriot in spreading the proliferation of compassionate conservatism, The Other Guy, (TOG).

Lets talk about you.

EB: Thank you very much, Dromedary. I am El Borracho, your friendly neighborhood drunken aristocrat.
TOG: There’s not much to say about me. I was never given a personality. (This is merely an excuse for me to not have to suddenly be good at roleplaying.)

Are there plans to start The Muskrat again anytime soon?
TOG: No, El Borracho has mostly lost interest in Furcadia and I don’t often have motivation to write things. We may do a one-time anniversary issue, but that is only conceptual at this point. I sound pretentious.
EB: Too much laziness on my part, and too much disenchantment with Furcadia. Also, certain famous Furcadians didn’t understand that part of being famous means enduring a bit of lampooning, which lead to self-censorship. Left a bitter taste in my mouth, much like the beer I’m currently consuming at an alarming rate.

Why did you start The Muskrat?
TOG: I had been reading a collection of stories from The Onion, which used to be a lot funnier. I had also come across an article about Furcadia on a website called Uncyclopedia, which is sort of a parody of Wikipedia. These two things combined in my head, and El Borracho thought this would be a good idea for something to do. Somehow “muskrat” seemed like the closest mammal to an onion; I don’t know why I thought that and I soon forgot my reasoning. We decided to start doing this. Mostly I came up with vague ideas and Elbow filled them in, providing the majority of content. A lot of this revolved around his knowledge of the personalities (or at least public personas) of Furcadia’s various important people.
EB: I was beginning to get really annoyed with the sense of humor that was starting to become prevalent at the time (trolling and fun at the expense of others). When The Other Guy casually suggested the newspaper idea to me, I realized this could be a way to show Furcadians that you don’t have to be completely cruel and profane to be funny. Just slightly cruel and profane. Also, I loved Randomism. I still don’t think we rose to their level.

Which of you two wrote most of the stories?
TOG: Overall, I think El Borracho was responsible for about two-thirds of the content. Some issues I did maybe half, others less than a fourth. I don’t know … what I was going to type after “I don’t know”.
EB: Now you know why I didn’t let him write much. However, to tell the truth, I didn’t write that much. About a third of our content came from submissions that random readers sent in, for better or worse.

Did you have lots of creative differences?
TOG: Not really, we mostly stepped over ourselves to agree with the other person.
EB: And with The Other Guy, that was pretty difficult. He’s… he’s a large man.

What’re your thoughts on What’s That, Furcadia?
TOG: I think it’s great to have an unofficial news source.
EB: Unless it just becomes an unofficial official news source. But uh, yeah, it’s great. ¡Continúe, por favor!

Do you spend much time hanging around on Furcadia these days?
TOG: Yes.
EB: No.

How’s the weather?
EB: Balmy.

What are your real thoughts on the similar sites that were alive during The Muskrat’s day, but never actually took off?
TOG: I think it would have been great to have competition, as long as it didn’t try to copy us too closely. It was too bad they didn’t stick around. Also, they tended to be full of grammar errors and those caused our brains to crawl out through our noses and strangle kittens. We tended to not like that.
EB: Yeah, the kitten thing… that was unfortunate. Anyway, thanks for the interview, and for the payment in alcohol!

I think the facts speak for themselves. Oh, and by the way, I’m totally biased.

I was going to try and make this slanderous, but I couldn’t get a decent mixture of humor and crass into the article; sorry. I’ll consider re-visiting this at a later date.

If you’d like to see a “The Muskrat” resurgence, (AKA Anniversary Edition) please submit all inquiries to The Muskrat at the linked address. Replace [at] with @ and [dot] with . … Or something. That’s what I’d do. Maybe they’ll listen, but knowing them, (Which I pretend to do in my spare time while not wearing dresses and making cakes like Mrs. Brady,) they’ll never listen. (They made up their own questions for this interview!)